35 year old blood splatters on the ceiling. Remnants of a grim period in Khmer history.
@ Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum
Of thin smoke
Escape your lips.
Take a drag, hold it
Soak your bones inside
Fog the cavities in your ribs
Let it sweep away the worries.
Then release the effluvium made-up
Of burnt paper, tobacco, bad thoughts.
With each hit, with each bright amber glow
Wrap your bony fingers…
I don’t want dinner with flowers and chocolates. Or sappy movie nights where we share generic movie house popcorn. Or dinners with champagne or wine or something fancy.
But maybe I do, because I am a hopeless romantic deep down.
Through the years, though, I’ve realized everyday things could be…
How do I begin to explain
The feeling in the pit of my stomach?
All day I waited.
Sinful as it was, I waited.
Is this your way
Of protecting me?
That even if you’re out of grasp
In every way possible,
I am inside your circle.
I should be happy.
I am undamaged, I am here in one piece.
The three day rule.
Last night was amazing!
You feel like you finally found it.
Isn’t that always the way?
Still, you can’t find out ‘til three days.
Day 1 is excruciating. The morning after.
There’s the craving crawling in your nerves.
Eating away your train of thought.
You try to…
I fake tattooed your initials
On my wrist with a ball point pen.
So I can erase it later when I’m done
Gawking at pictures of you on the Internet.
I can’t get enough of your face.
Of your eyes, of your lips,
Of the way they move when you smile
On screencapped GIFs.
This limerent desire is thriving; feeding
On latent insecurities I harbor deep within.
It’s nourished by unresolved cravings
Scattered on the seabed of my mind.
Undisturbed ‘til now.
It’ll go away eventually, I know.
Trust me, I’ve been this way countless times.
And the first few days are the sweetest.
The initial fascination is always the best.
So let me swoon while the feeling lasts
While my heart still melts like butter on a roll;
While my insides still stir with excitement;
While I still feel.
Because when this is over I’ll just go back
To being a hollow piece of flesh.
I’ll go back to being normal, boring;
While you’re there, completely unaware
That I faked tattooed your initials
Above the veins running directly to my heart.
So we’re back… #singapore (at Singapore Changi International Airport - SilverKris Business Class Lounge)